RISK EVERYTHING FEAR NOTHING

To my best friend

To my darling Katrina,

I know who you are. Not the you who changes masks for the world every hour of the day, depending on the audience – I know you behind that. Beyond the tiny voice in your head. Beyond the compromises you make. I accept you. I understand you.

You are my best friend, so this should be one of the easiest to write, but it isn’t. Not because I’m stuck for things to say about you; because I want to somehow write something as amazing as you are… even though I know that’s not possible. Nonetheless, this is my attempt.

One of the most important things another human being can give you, is something to say. When they are gone, you will remember every single opportunity you had to speak to them. And didn’t. I am writing this now, in case I never get another chance. Because we are only a drunk drivers stupidity, a nervous shopkeepers mistake, a doctor’s best attempts and an old age away from forever.

You’ve given me so much, and I don’t want you to think that I don’t appreciate that, because I do, but all I really want from you today, is a smile.

Maybe the deepest part of who we are is what scares us or breaks our hearts and we don’t want to share that with anyone and when we do, we don’t want to lose those people.
Some people walk into our lives and physically walk out… but they never really leave.
I will never leave you, not literally, not physically, not emotionally, or technically. Not any word ending with “ally”, I will always be here.
You are wanted and needed. Here.

I always knew you were more than just millions of pixels on a screen. And now, I have more than just a million reasons why I love you. In the past four years, you’ve really proved yourself to me, in that I can trust you with my life. I haven’t been able to say that about anyone in a really long time.

The memories we already have are countless, and I know I’ll remember them forever. You’re more than a best-friend to me. You’re more like a sister. We do everything together. You’re my other half.
I feel the same way about you as I did back then. You’re beautiful with your little button nose, your big eyes and your perfect lips. You’re special. So fucking special.

You are the strongest person I know, even if you don’t believe it yourself. I do.
Your strength comes from your pain, and in that strength there comes promise.
Promise that you will make it through this, promise that everything will be okay.

I’ve never met another you.
Sometimes you think the ones that mean the most will always be there
but like the moments we shared, they’re jaded by the liquor and faded by the mind
I will never leave you.

When I say I love you, I don’t say it out of habit or to make conversation. I say it to remind you that you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.

So my darling, here’s to the morning after the night before, here’s to waking up to the best person in the world, here’s to the moments that turned into memories, here’s to living for the nights with you, here’s to laughing when everything just goes wrong, here’s to laughing just because of your company, here’s to our friendship, your special spot in my heart, here’s to you.

“I love you” is the biggest understatement in trying to explain to you how much you mean to me, but it’s the best I can come up with.

Always and forever,

       xxxxxxx