RISK EVERYTHING FEAR NOTHING


Dear someone watching from the shadows,
The policy is honesty and nothing is censored. The world is not made of atoms. It is made of stories.
These are some of mine.
I was born in China, grew up in a small country town, spent my next decade in the most isolated city in the world. I am now 3000 miles away, embarking on my next chapter. The air smells verdant and pure, I am surrounded by nature in bloom, and beautiful people who hold such exquisite stories.
I want to go everywhere, meet everyone, and do everything. I will.
Love, someone at the other end.


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19th June 2010

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Your reflection in the mirror

Dear you,

I look up from whatever I’m doing sometimes and find you studying me. You stare back at me, surprised, at your own reflection.
Such purity and reality, from simply a thin sheet of metal reflecting an image.

Speaking with confidence and moving with authority,
you have dark rings under your eyes from not sleeping, or waking in the middle of the night to write something down before you forget.
Your eyes light up when you smile,
when you really smile.
Your hazel eyes turn green when you start believing the lies.

I know you so well, yet I know nothing at all.
Hide your face behind power and cream.
Burn your hair straight.
Pull tar across your eyelashes.
I’m searching, but I find no trace of mockery in your features.
Your entire demeanor; the hypnotic look in your eye, the way you bite your lip, terrified by the way you’re exposing yourself to me, your vibes reflecting who you truly are.
Bitten lips, always holding an inquisitive look on your face, I shiver even as I write this, remembering the look you gave me as you turned and looked deeply at me, as if you were reading a book you never wanted to forget.
The way you want the best for everyone, but yourself; a feature I have not seen possessed by anyone other than you.

I don’t want to look at you. I don’t want to see those over made up eyes, I don’t want to see those inches of dark growing under the blonde on your scalp. I don’t want to see that disgusting reflection. I don’t want to look at you.
I don’t want to see what you are.

Blinking only when it is that I blink so you can still appear strong and fearless.
I don’t want to see that in those eyes.
Those fucking hazel eyes.
Your fucking clear, dancing eyes, rip them out. Swap them for dark, soulless eyes.
You deserve soulless.
Now you can’t even stand to look at yourself.
Claw at your face with those bitten nails.

I run my finger over the scar under my chin. You pull your tongue over the mattered flesh now embedded on your lip. I remind you that you can’t change the past, the damage has already been done.
The future, that’s in your hands.
Please don’t ever forget that.

Love,
Me
xx


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