RISK EVERYTHING FEAR NOTHING

Someone not in your state/country

To my darling best friend
Tia-Rose Frecker,

The following was written over the past five weeks. I’ve gone back and collected separate pieces of writing and strung together this final copy.

I’ve started to view the world through apocalypse eyes. It started on bus rides, like this. Everyone around me is sleeping, eyes wide closed. Meanwhile as I press on, word after word, the sentences forming quicker than I’m consciously thinking, this is coming from somewhere unknown.

We left Venice today. Sea levels are rising, and in 150 years that beautiful city will be underwater.


I see people bustling around on their daily routine, endless rows of office buildings and tenements teeming with activity, thousands of automobiles rushing somewhere important. And it all seems so solid, so permanent, so unmoveable, so absolutely necessary.
But all it would take is one war, one riot, one dirty bomb, one natural disaster, one marauding army, one economic catastrophe, one vile containing one virus to bring it all smashing down. We’ve seen it happen in Hiroshima. In Dresden. In Bosnia. In Rwanda. In Baghdad. In Halabja. In New Oreleans.
Our society, which seems so sturdily built out of concrete and custom, is just a temporary resting place, a hotel our civilization checked into a couple hundred years ago and must one day check out of. It’s an inevitability travellers like myself can’t help but realise.

We saw the Roman ruins today, and a strange thought dawned over me: How long will it be before someone is visiting our ruins?

I’m realising that amongst the chaos, the fucks, the fuck ups, drinking, more drinking, these long days and longer nights, there’s something more. These always is, sometimes we just don’t see it till it’s too late, sometimes we see it all along, we just choose “ignorance is bliss” over truth. I’m surrounded by people 24/7, yet still, it’s days like this I find myself staring out the window, trying to swallow this feeling down that in the end, I’m alone.

This won’t last forever, nothing ever does, but isn’t it nice to pretend? Why? The truth hurts, so we lie. We play games, and we fool ourselves. Right? Left. What’s left? Truth. You. You’re somewhere out there, I don’t know where you are or what you’re doing, but I can feel you. We live in the same world, you and I. Yes, we live. That’s not an option, it’s a choice.
Some days are good, some are bad, others are whatever you chose to make of them - the only thing that remains the same is that the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you to match it.

I’m coming home soon my darling.
Home is where the heart is.
You stole that from me a long time ago.