November 2010
32 posts
Someone you want to give a second chance to.
Dear you, I could leave this page blank, and still, you would understand the hundreds of scrunched up letter I’ve never sent. It’s more than just words, but I have enough discretion to hold back from saying the things I want to. I get sad goose bumps when I acknowledge the little things that led us to where we are now. The night you missed your plane, the way you told me everything just by...
What is happiness?
The person you kissed last.
It’s taken me a while to see that you’re not so special after all. I’d say I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not. I excel at not giving a shit. I excel at not giving a shit to people I deliberately make my past. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C Equals...
“SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THE BEST”
Someone that pesters your mind, good or bad
Dear you, I used you and made the best parts of you up in my head. You were easy at first. You breezed into my life and made me smile. You said the right things and you put on a great show. But you’re just a one time lover, another boy just like the rest… I look into your eyes and I see there’s something more, you make me smile, you make me want more, and more, and more, But this has an expiry...
The worst lies we tell are out of love.
My friends are starting to give up on me; I can see it in their faces as they digest with horror, but not shock, my most recent attempt to forget this ever happened. I don’t hurt myself with blades or bruises, I become more and more silent, knowing what this means to you.
They text me things: Jess, I know you don’t want to hear what I have to say, but it’s a serious situation and I would be a...
"The worst is over now."
Read this first. Last time I saw him I was about to travel Europe solo. This time, I have no idea what I’m doing, where I’m going, but what I do know is this: I am happy. I think I’m finally getting better. Of course, life is a rollercoaster ride, and there will be testing times we find ourselves swung around inbetween the ups and downs, but as long as you’re looking up,...
Love. Sex. Death. Fear. Obsession. Just like life.
I have permanent dark rings under my eyes, from my nights like these. I lay sleepless, choosing not to seclude myself to the nightmares that keep me tainted. Take a hot shower, try and rid this feeling from me, like poison, I try and release the toxins slowly killing me from the inside. Smoke fogs the mirror, I write the word help in the steam then quickly smudge it away. I smile to myself,...
You: Things are getting too complicated.
Me: No. They’re getting really simple.
You: I can't do this anymore.
Me: Can't or won't?
You: I can't because I won't.
Me: Because you don't think it's a choice that you'd make in a normal frame of mind?
You: And what would you know about a normal frame of mind?
People are about as happy as they make up their...
There is no cure, no acceptance, no understanding, and no answer. Textbooks can only tell you so much, and unless you have lived it, it is near impossible to judge from the outside. It is suffering; self-inflicted; self-hatred bundled up with an enormous amount of emotional energy. That small explanation is just the tip of the iceberg in trying to explain. And even then, this isn’t something I’ve...
