I always thought that I was sick and you were the cure. But everyone gets things backwards sometimes.
Hey, remember that time you sung to me outside my bedroom window? Do you remember when you rocked up on my doorstep, but I wouldn’t let you come in? We walked along the beach and you blinked back the tears as you read my letter. You thought I didn’t see. I did. Remember that night, yeah, the forbidden one? I don’t know if you felt that or not, but it felt like two people kissing after hours of thinking about it, two people talking after nights of silence, two peole touching after weeks of being numb, two people facing eachother after months of looking away, two people in love after years of being alone. It felt like two people meeting each other, after an entire lifetime of not. Do you remember nearly crashing on the side of the road, as you kissed me on the drive home? Hey, remember when you pushed me onto the floor, then told me you initiated everytime with her. Do you remember waking up to me poking you, clueless as to where I was or what had happened? Remember that night we took shot after shot until we passed out. Remember the night I made you climb to the top of the cliff with me, just to see the city lights, and know there were thousands more awake, sleepless and discontent? Remember the week we spent away, we promised never to speak of what really happened. I never have. How about you? Flying home, I slept on the aeroplane floor to give you room for a better sleep, remember how angry the airhostess was? Do you remember the night we camped out, we walked up the Zig Zag, have you forgotten the words I spoke? Hey, remember the night you met me down at the skate park? You dropped everything after months of silence to hold me while I cried, I’m sorry I never really thanked you. Do you remember practising, practising, practising, every lunchbreak, until we finally perfected Scar Tissue? Remember how we never perfomed it? Do you remember the games we used to play in our head? Warplanes, like dragons, like some old story you’d make up when I was still young, like I’d sit there wide eyes and wait, for someone with a sword like magic to fix it all. I wish you hadn’t lied to me. Hey, remember that time I shot your ass with a paintball gun? I’m not sorry. Remember that time we sat on the grass all night for hitting them with noodles? Do you remember how he slept right through? I remember the night you proved yourself, sitting on the bonnet of my car, drenched in rain, waiting for me to open the door. Remember the time we accidently drove to Northam? Hey, I do. Remember everytime I waited outside the arrivals gate, everytime you turned back to see me through departures, remember the place you were before you met me? Do you remember running through the hotel, making all the fire alarms go off? Hey, remember that time I threw our necklace at the wall. I forgot that you were always here. Remember everytime you visited me in hospital? Do you remember the day I took you to court, then read to you until you slept. Did you think I would forget how to love? It’s like riding a bike, everyone falls off and scrapes their knees sometimes. Forget about your lists and do what you can, because that’s all you can do. Phone up the people you miss and tell them you love them. Hug those close to you as hard as you can. Because you are always only a drunk driver’s stupidity, a nervous shopkeeper’s mistake, a doctors best attemps, and an old age away from forever.
Similiar to tricycles, summer, winder, autumn, spring, bruised knees, your first kiss and there is no Santa Clause, like is really just a series of things that happen.
Cigarettes. That's all you are to me. Even though I desire you, I refrain from indulging in you because you're bad for my health.
Feels like there’s a fog in my head. Gotta get it out. Get present in the moment. Clap my hands. Shake my head. Use my voicebox. Must start talking or I’ll be stuck in my head all night. Take a shot. No affect, not yet. Take another. Fuck it, patience is a virtue, tonight I do not have it. Five more, skulled by water. You sit there, watching, patiently. Finally. The fogs been lifted. Ignore the edging thoughts shoved in the back of my head. Listen to your troubles, it makes me forget mine. Why do I bother to write? This is so much more fun. Get out of my head, back to you. You’re talking some shit about the warmth upstairs, as I find myself nodding. I’m not the fool, you are, for thinking you’re fooling me. I’m not stupid; I know what I’ve just agreed to, as we find ourselves upstairs. I understand now, the warmth because you’re stealing my body heat. All you needed was a location, all I need is a reason. Cigarettes. That’s all you are to me. Even though I desire you, I refrain from indulging in you because you’re bad for my health. So you lay there and wait for what you know will come next. Still, nothing. I don’t need you to validate me, and this is where we differ. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with you, it’s just there’s not necessarily anything right about you either. I’m a little bit tired, the kind that doesn’t go away from getting to bet a little earlier.