"Jess, you’re running away again." Thats what you’d say. I never told you, and I never will, but I love you. Despite the compulsive lying, despite the cheating and stealing, despite the bitterness thats now choked your heart. I love you.
Nights forgotten by liquor, erased by pain, you can get someone out of your head, but getting them out of your heart is a different story. Our hearts are built of those we love. And when someone we let in hurts us, we bleed; that bleeding is them, coming out of our heart. That place cannot be occupied by anyone else. It does not get filled with someone new. No. The heart expands. It doesn’t stay the same size. That space from the person that hurt us, turns into a memory spot, a learning spot, a forgiveness spot. The ones we lose, are never lose. Their spot stays there, forever, and always will.
The night I found out one of my best friends was pregnant, I drunk half a bottle of straight vodka within half an hour. Why? Because it was with him. The boy telling me for four years he loved me, that noone else compared, that he wanted to marry me, and he would never forget me. Two who once meant so much to me, things will never be the same.
I can control myself, I can pretend you don’t exist standing in the same room, I can take the bullshit from your friends that this is somehow all my fault, I can even rearrange my life halfway around the world to get away from you, but I can’t ignore my thoughts. I can’t forget the words we spoke in a time now so nostalgic. I will never forget your sweet embrace. I will stand by the promises we made forever. But this is the end. The end of the anger and denial. I accept that you and I will never be the same again. That while those days will live in my mind forever, they’re over. I hate it. But I accept it. And I’m moving on now.
“You could be right. You could be wrong. Remember this. Especially the second part. Being wrong allows you to take responsibility for your actions. It allows you to change. Constantly needing to be right, doesn’t.”—
"What I hate the most is that when I’m in a room with you, I can’t act myself around my own best friend, because they are there. I can’t come over and sit next to you, have a yarn with you, because there’s this disgusting vibe. I know my own friends will be having a little bitch behind my back. Watching every move we make."
Hard times show who really does matter.
And chances are, your name probably doesn’t make the list.
I love you Reece. At the end of the day the most important thing is that you are and always will be my best friend. And everyone else is gonna have to deal with it, because that’s not going to change.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
No one else “makes us angry.” We make ourselves angry when we surrender control of our attitude. What someone else may have done is irrelevant. We choose, not they. They merely put our attitude to a test.